Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Halloween draws to a close

Time for the Universe to go to sleep.  Turn off the lights when you leave.

New visitors

Hi ho! It's come to my attention that there have been some new visitors to The Cave. Welcome! Come in! Pull up a stalagmite, ignore the mess. Trick or treat! You want a banana? There's cake in the fridge. With frosting.

There are a few things you should know about the Cave before you begin wandering around.

1: I have a faulty Shame Gland. What you see is what you get. I stopped apologizing for my personality a long time ago. It's tiring, and futile.

2. If I use a word that can either be very clinical or very offensive, I was probably using the clinical sense. If I offended you, call me on it. I promise I will be very sorry, and will work on eliminating the offensive word from my vocabulary.

3. If I use a descriptive word, I am not generally implying any additional meaning. If I say "weird," I mean just that- not normal. I don't mean "weird and unacceptable" or "weird and creepy" or "weird and worthy of disgust." I just mean weird. I tend to state facts, not make value judgements.

4. I tend to use this blog to blow off steam, and I stare into my own navel a lot. Blogs are cheaper than therapy. Feel free not to read. If you do choose to read, hellew. I'm neurotic. We all are. I keep my neuroses right out in front where I can see them.

5. I talk about things that are socially inappropriate. Again, faulty shame gland. No social filter. Rest assured that if I write about something here, I would absolutely discuss it in person with anyone. Well, any adult. If you're a kid, what the hell are you doing reading this foolishness? Go outside and play.

6. If you comment, please be nice. I'm prickly, but I'm not made of stone. I have a soft marshmallow interior.

So that's it! The Cave is a mess, but I share what I've got, and the animals are friendly. Enjoy your visit, we'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming as soon as something mildly interesting happens!

Affectionate headbutts,

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Saturday, October 27, 2012

In other news

So, aside from being gloomy and gluing acorns back together...

I picked up some new work friends.  We're still working on the "friends" part, as I am, apparently, very scary.

This is Vincent.

This is Boris.

I made some planets.
Well, mostly planets- a few protosuns.

I made a small star system.
The blue sun and the red sun are the same size, I'm just a terrible photographer.

 I glued crystals to a dress.

They're irridescent.

I made a drink.
The 'Verse- 1.5 pineapple juice, .5 vodka, .5 Midori, .5 Frangelico, .5 lime juice.  Delicious.

I gave myself a manicure (ignore my cuticles).
Sally Hansen Diamond Strength "Black Diamond" with Orly "Shine On Crazy Diamond" 

I put the dress on my body, the star system on my head, and went to a party.

Please ignore my nephew's bedroom decor.  

I took drunk photos of myself.

With flattering yellow overhead light.

And a bit of gruesome humor that I can't take credit for.

Yaaaaay gallows humor.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Repairing Acorns

My boss is sometimes a difficult man to work for.  I am sure this is true for any boss- there's a power imbalance, there's human interactions, there's expectations and reality and all manner of complicating factors.  He's not a bad guy, we just have certain personality differences that can cause friction.

I am reasonably sure that my boss finds me frustrating.  I am.  I am weird and often pessimistic and I take a long time to finish tasks and I am clutterblind and I say wildly inappropriate things.  It's why I stay away from donors as much as possible.  It's okay, these are just statements of facts.  I think I'm rad.

Today, my boss wanders into my little cubicle corner, looking a little lost and bewildered, holding two small objects in his hands.  

Yesssss?  Can I help you?

He makes a weird, sheepish face, and fiddles with the small objects.

"Umm.... well... I.."

He holds out the objects, which turn out to be a large black acorn and an acorn cap.

"My acorn... it.. the cap.... and... well... I've had it a long time... and..."

I am immediately struck with the mental image of what he must have looked like as a little boy, with a broken toy.

He's a weirdly sentimental guy.  I knew he had important rocks, but it would seem that he also has an important acorn.  Without a cap.

The sheepish stammering and fidgeting continue as I reach into my "repair" drawer in my desk.

Would you like me to fix your acorn?

He looks hopeful.  "Can you?"

I take this weird small broken treasure.  

Yes, I can fix your acorn.  It will take a while for the glue to dry.  I will bring it back when it's ready.

An hour later, I appear in his office doorway, acorn in hand.

The glue is dry, but not set.  You have to keep it upside down like this for another 3 hours.

He lit up and looked somewhat relieved to have it back, in one piece.

I do not know the Story of the Acorn, or what it represents to my boss, or even what species of oak it came from. 

All I know is that I am trusted enough to repair it.

My yearly performance review is next Tuesday.  My weaknesses and faults will be laid before me, and I will need to use every ounce of self-control not to curl into a little ball and roll away.  I am very hard on myself, and I don't like not living up to expectations.  I will feel very inadequate.

But I will remind myself-
I can repair acorns.

That's not nothing.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


I think I might wandering towards depression again.  I really don't want to go there- it sucks and it's lonely and nothing tastes good.  Last time I was there, it took meds to get me out, and they were damn near impossible to stop.

Maybe it's because I have felt sick lately, or because I don't think I've had a decent night's sleep in months (thanks, Dog), or because I am really very alone most of the time.  I can barely give enough of a shit to do my laundry.

I tried to decorate for Halloween the other day, and then remembered that nobody would see it but me.  Due to the Cat's little urine habit >ahem<, I don't invite people over.

My brother has a Halloween party every year.  I'm going to that next Friday.  Maybe I should see if I can find something festive to do on Saturday, force myself out amongst other people.

This weekend I'm going to drive to San Diego to pick up two new baby rats for work.  I'm going to stop and see a former coworker who has many exotic creatures.

I have vests to make for Coworker's wedding.  A project is nice, keeps the mind off of loneliness.  Of course, it also keeps one holed up at home, listening to the shick-shick-shick of a needle.

Perhaps this is akin to what my best friend (who is a domme) calls "sub-drop."  Apparently, submissives build up so many endorphins that their systems just can't handle it anymore, and they get all sad and weepy and depressed.  Maybe the Quail and Fall Faire and the roommate moving out and the rat and the cat and the dog was all just too much at once, and now my system is trying to force me into hibernation.

I cannot go into hibernation.

Sunday, October 14, 2012


My nature center holds an annual Fall Faire sorta pumpkin patch fundraiser thing.  Crafts and games and children and ponies and whatnot.  I have been designated "Grill Manager" for the past two years, which basically involves bringing supplies to the firefighters-who-do-the-actual-griling and making sure there is relish in the relish bucket.

I don't pass up an opportunity to dress funny.

China Glaze "Unpredictable" on the green nails, and a combo of CG "Orange Marmalade" and Sally Hansen's Nail Prisms "Coral Amber" on the orange nail, covered with a spiderweb nail decal and some Orly "Shine On Crazy Diamond" just for shits-n-giggles. 

My ever-so-festive spiderweb apron, and my extra fancy photo studio.

And the purple tarantula that ate my braiiiiiiiin!  Okay, it's a headband.  I'm supposed to look comically shocked, mostly I look like I'm yawning and rolling my eyes at the same time.  You'd be surprised at the number of people who really didn't register that it was supposed to be a spider.  I think it's awfully spidery, but I pay attention to that sort of thing.  I dunno.

I'm sunburned and I have little teeny bumps all over my upper arms.  I can't tell if it's from meat grease or heat or sun or what, but it's not super pleasant.  Fortunately (?), I am somewhat symmetrically sunburned.  So that's a plus?

I came home to cat pee AND dog vomit on the carpet.  I just know they're conspiring to get Expensive-Sick soon.  You pricks, I just dropped $700 on the cat at the vet for the blood sugar and the carpet peeing, don't you start this shit again.

I would do unspeakable things if this entire house had vinyl flooring that I could just mop.

Friday, October 12, 2012

October has finally arrived

Fall Faire approaches- yay working on a Sunday?

Bat macaroni?  YES.

Old Man is chilly.  Old Man is crickety.  Old Man is pleased with his basket.

The sky in October is really the best shade of blue ever.

I finally finished the goddamn quail kiosk panel.  Here's a ceanothus.

The quail is named Hercule, and is mildly disappointed in you.  He says "harrumph."

It has been installed, where it will be underappreciated by passersby.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Goodbye, my darling.

Leena passed away this morning.  She was two.  She had a lumpy life, but was very sweet.  She only bit if you stuck your fingers in the cage, and only because she was too excited about the idea of a treat.  She would apologize afterwards by grooming you.  She liked having her face rubbed until she fell asleep.  Sadly, her last 12 hours of life were uncomfortable, and she did not want me to touch her.  I would have rubbed her face for hours if it would have helped ease her pain.  She is survived by her roommate, Ingrid, and her coworkers at the nature center.

Goodbye, my darling friend.  Safe journey.  We will miss you.