Monday, February 9, 2015

Dribs and drabs

I have not been in control of my emotions lately.  My robot heart is malfunctioning and I don't know why.  Weepy for no reason, cranky for no reason, sad for no reason.  It's extra irritating when you are tearing up and you KNOW there's no call for it, but you can't turn it off.

My ankle is suddenly very bad today.  I barely was able to walk the dog, and it's currently throbbing and elevated.  Note to self- seek medical care promptly after an injury.  This is no bueno.

There have been 27 regular work days this year.  I have taught 25 programs so far.  I have counted this four times, and I am trying to figure out how I did that, since there were at least four days I didn't teach.  I am too tired for such math.

Trix had a seizure last week after coming home from the dog park.  It scared the hell out of me.  Don't know what caused it, and she's fine now (as far as I can tell), but it makes me very wary of taking her back there.

I'm not sure that my ADHD meds are working anymore.  I've been super spacey and blurty lately, and I'm taking a pretty hearty dose.  The idea scares me, because I hate changing meds.  The ones I'm on now are cheap, and I know my doses and can predict my saturation levels.... or at least, I could.  I'm not sure I want to learn a new med.  I am secretly a crabby old man, shaking my fist at change.

We haven't really had a winter here.  It was sweaty-hot last year from March to the middle of November, and it's only been mildly chilly a few times since then.  I fear this is just how things are here now.  The whole reason that we put up with all of California's bullshit (hey, there, traffic and housing prices) is because the weather is so nice, but it seems that we're going to start becoming Phoenix with a beach.  I'm going to have to grow out my fringe, because I have to pull it back all the time anyway.  Sweaty fringe isn't cute.

Mom was over to help me deal with yard things on Sunday.  This happens every Sunday, as I am not a yard person.  If it was all brick, I'd be fine.  She gave me some shit about letting all the plants die.  I am outside in the plants all day at work, I don't tend to want to be outside when I'm off the clock.  She gave me a bunch of geranium cuttings and the instruction to put them in the planter in the front yard.  The idea made me weepy.  I am already drowning, trying to keep myself and all the animals alive.  I haven't even been able to keep up with the basic tasks of life (laundry, dishes, vacuuming), let alone care for plants.  Shit, my floor isn't even done, and it's been in progress for almost two years.

I hope this is all just burnout and seasonal, and not actual clinical depression again.

8 comments:

  1. I am currently tucking into a pint of ben&jerry's cookie dough for all your reasons. minus the adhd meds. plus a pair of turkeys. yes, the live birds

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    1. Why do you have turkeys? Were you not scarred enough by the chicken incident?
      We used to have turkeys that wandered around at work. They're terrifying dinosaurs.

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    2. The turkeys were purchased when they were small enough to be a possible replacement for the ever impossible-to-find pheasant so that the new dog could be trained to track . . . but the turkeys were so baby and so dumb they wouldn't run. So that idea was given up and the turkeys have been living in our backyard ever since. We are now at the point of: re-home, sell, or dinner!

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  2. Ugh i hate muggy weather, it is like that all summer in Australia and it makes me miserable!

    I hope your canine companion is ok!

    I hope you feel better soon, it sucks feeling like that!

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    1. It's not even that muggy- California is dry, dry, dry. I just don't like temperatures over 24 degrees. It's supposed to be 31 tomorrow. It's winter! WIIIIIIINTERRRRRRRR
      And yes, that's in Celsius. If that was Fahrenheit I'd be bitching too, but about needing socks.

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  3. Hope the puppy is okay, hope your ankle heals, hope your mood improves. I'm sorry everything sucks. I don't have anything more inspiring or uplifting to say.

    I was just crying for no reason and I want to sleep for a week.

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    Replies
    1. I think it's something in the stars making everyone have feelings.

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    2. I have to agree ... I can't settle down, the crafty things that usually make me content aren't, I'm restless and out-of-sorts and I don't know why. Let's hope it ends soon, whatever the reason.

      Hope that was a fluke with Trix. Hope your ankle gets better. Hope Mom doesn't flip if the geraniums don't get planted. :)

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