Thursday, June 26, 2014

Something in the stars

Have you ever been tootling along, sort of okay with your life but not overwhelmingly happy, and suddenly


felt really powerful for no real reason?

I'm not talking about economic power, or social power, or even control-over-one's-own-life power.

I'm talking the earth shall tremble beneath my feet and I shall rearrange the very stars powerful.

I don't know what's bubbling up in my little black marshmallowy heart, but it's certainly interesting.

Saturday, June 21, 2014


So, I have a lot of vices.  Nothing illegal or consciousness-altering, and I'm about as boring sexually as a concrete block, but I've managed to rack up a few bad habits.  I'm super lazy.  I will nap an entire weekend.  I don't really do any sort of appreciable exercise beyond walking the dog and hiking around work.  I eat out a lot.  When I don't eat out, I have the diet of a college frat boy.  Onion dip is a food group in my house.

I am also addicted to Diet Pepsi.

I am not using the word "addicted" hyperbolically.  Five and six cans a day.  I drink it with breakfast.  I can have it late at night and still be able to sleep.  I get very substantial checks from can recycling.  For a while, I was actually a Diet Pepsi Max devotee, which has more caffeine than the usual stuff.  I managed to get myself back down to the regular stuff, and occasionally the decaf.  I have clutched the can uttering the phrase "from my cold, dead hands."

I know it's awful for me.  My father is a dentist, so I know what it's doing to my teeth.  My pH is distressingly low (I lick pH paper once in a while, it always turns orange or red).  I'm sure my bones are borderline birdlike.  My skin is a wreck.  I imagine the aspartame is doing all sorts of terrible things to my brain and heart and pancreas.

I woke up two weeks ago, and discovered that I was out.  None in the fridge, none at work.  I thought, okay, that's probably a good thing.  If I want it, I have to leave the house.  For a week, I was Queen of the 7-11.

About 6 days ago, I didn't have time to make my morning Super Big Gulp run (yes, I consume soda by the bucketful).  I nearly fell asleep teaching children, and I take prescription meds for ADHD.  You know, the sort of drugs that Hollywood starlets like to snort to get high?  Yes, I can sleep with that in my system.  I needed the caffeine ON TOP of all this in order to stay awake during my job.

I interrupt this narrative to express my disapproval of the misuse of prescription stimulants.  I genuinely require these medications to function in society.  Because of the recreational abuse of these drugs, I have to jump through many more hoops to get them than the average prescription.  The irony is that I cannot focus long enough to jump through the hoops unless I have my medications in my system.  If I run out of meds before I can jump through the hoops, my life just spirals out of control until someone reminds me to call my doctor for a triplicate prescription, go fetch that slip of paper, drive it to the pharmacy, wait a few hours, and drive back to the pharmacy to pick them up.  Unmedicated, each of those steps is a massive accomplishment.  It can take several days.  The ethics of criminalizing recreational drug use is a discussion for a different day.  Today's message:  Stop taking my medications for fun, assholes.  We now return to the Diet Pepsi story.

That day, as I was greedily slurking down an unreasonably large cup of bubbly brown aspartame acid at lunch, I admitted I have a problem.

The next morning, I woke up and decided to go just one day without my liquid crutch.  I can do anything for just one day, right?  Immediately, I became aware of how much fluid I am consuming all the time.  If I am not pouring liquid in my face, I don't know what to do.  I figured tea was a safe caffeine replacement.  I drank about three quarts of unsweetened iced black tea, and I was a little twitchy and fiendy, but I made it to bedtime without straying.  Yeah.  Go me.

The morning after that, I woke up and decided to go another day.  I spent a lot of time white-knuckling my armrests, and lot of time fantasizing about the crackpop-shhhhh noise of a can being opened.  More iced tea was consumed.  I continued to be a little twitchy.  I made it to bedtime again.  Woo, I am an animal.

The morning after that, weird competitive pride set in, and I was mostly determined to not break the streak.

I have been Diet Pepsi free for 5 days.

I have ingested a LOT of unsweetened iced black tea.

I'm still a little fiendy.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

CorpGoth Status Report- My Work Cave

Hellooooo, darlings.  Greetings from Overly Busy Land, where laundry doesn't get done and kittens bounce all over the house at godforsaken hours.  Trystan over at CorpGoth assigned us "cubicles" for our mid month status report, and I have one of those, so I decided to play.

When we moved into our new building at work, we all got to pick our desks.  I picked the one in the darkest corner, farthest away from windows and the public eye.  I think you'll be able to see why.

It's clearly for everyone else's safety and sanity.  Nobody needs to see what's coming.
This is an unreasonable number of faux flowers.
For real, though, I can find things.  I just need to be able to SEE everything or I forget it's there.
I may or may not have a treasure collecting problem.

To be fair, a lot of this stuff IS actually work related.  I'd say at least a solid 60%.  In two weeks, it gets it's quarterly overhaul to prepare for camp season, so that the ridiculousness that is in the line of other people's sight is taken care of.  The rest is my security blanket.  I'd apologize for it, but I've been like this for 36 years.  It seems unlikely that I will change anytime soon.  I've decided to just like myself in spite of the clutter.

Do you all feel better about your work nests now?  Aren't you tidy?


Monday, June 2, 2014

Building Yancey the Sea Serpent


Wire frame.

Cute distraction.

Added mesh.

And eyeballs.

Added skin (and the cute distraction again).

Added teeth.

Added paint.

Added handler. 
And happiness.