Hiiiiiiiii there. What's happening? You good? Things okay? How's the family?
It's almost 2015. 2014 wasn't awful (except that whole dog-cancer thing, that sucked). I'm not chasing it out the door with a pitchfork like 2013.
That said, I felt a shift the other day. The shift was made up of several smaller facets.
Facet One was actually registering the asexuality thing from a few weeks ago. It was very freeing to realize how many things I no longer had to spend physical or mental energy on, because I don't care if anyone finds me sexually appealing or not. Seriously, it was a long list. It's a very hard feeling to describe. I've rewritten this paragraph about fifteen times, and I have yet to be able to find words for it.
Facet Two was a similar realization about career and work. I spend a lot of my time and energy doing things because they're my way of earning a living. They are not things I would ever do if I wasn't getting paid for them. They wear me out, and I don't have energy to pursue my own interests. I am trading my life for money. If I can figure out how to need less money… and in this mental state, I stumbled across a website that advocates generating wealth for early retirement through extreme frugality (http://www.mrmoneymustache.com). Usually, I only vaguely understand financial talk, but this particular website did not make my eyes cross or my head swim. Perhaps I was in the exact right position to read this particular point of view because I had already been wrestling with
Facet Three, which was exhaustion from constantly bailing out my cluttered mess of a home. I really like my house, and I like my stuff, but I'm absolutely overwhelmed. I couldn't even emotionally handle bringing home leftovers from Xmas dinner, because it would involved bringing OBJECTS into the house, and I'm at critical mass. One of the things I did get for Giftmas was a Barnes & Noble gift card, so I decided to go browse (I'm a Kindle devotee, because of the OBJECTS problem, but sometimes I just like to roam around a bookstore, even if I can't imagine actually buying something). I stumbled across a book about hardcore tidying. I flicked through it, put it back on the shelf, and went home, gift card unspent. It nagged at me, though, so I purchased the Kindle version. I ripped through it in about 2 hours. Purge things that I do not love, in order to gain serenity and sanity? And in doing so, perhaps become accustomed to the idea of having less- buying less- wanting less?
Facet Four involved ripping out a dead tree in my backyard. There is a great big empty planter now that I intend to use to grow some sort of food plant in a straw bale. Perhaps I'll make Zippy a fort out of the bale-planters, who knows. Either way, I'm going to replace something I don't want with something I DO want.
Someone (probably many someones) once told me that you never say what you're NOT going to do, you say what you ARE going to do, because giving a name to the negative gives it power.
I am going to dress and behave in ways that make me happy.
I am going to spend money on things that I love, so that I may eventually spend all my time doing things to amuse myself.
I am going to surround myself only with objects that I love and want to be there.
I am going to build Zippy a strawberry plant fort.
Shall we saunter into 2K15?