So, I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but I'm sorta asexual.
I say "sorta," because I don't know if it's just a phase in my life, or if it has always been this way and I am just now realizing it.
I do not know that I have ever found anyone sexually attractive. I am not aromantic, and I have been in love many many times, but I do not really know if anyone has really turned my gears that way, so to speak.
I know when people are physically beautiful specimens, and I certainly like looking at that sort of person, but it's a detached sort of feeling. I like to look at flowers and gemstones and beautiful architecture, too. It's pretty much the same emotion for me.
When I was younger, I craved the feeling of being wanted, and I figured that the feeling I got when someone desired me (for whatever reason) was sexual attraction. Now that I'm older, I'm not sure it is. If I do become aroused, it's certainly not directed at anyone. It was an odd day when I realized that other people DO find each other arousing. The only thing I wanted from other people was to be approved of.
In any case, over the last five years or so I have stopped performing behaviors that would indicate that I am interested in sexual relationships of any kind. I do not flirt. I don't make sexual jokes. I do not use double entendres (at least, not on purpose, which can get embarrassing when people think I've said something suggestive and I didn't realize it). I do not move my body in ways that could be interpreted as inviting. My vibe is "chilly and distant" or "human Muppet." Neither are alluring.
For the most part, I think people pick up on it. If anyone asks, I generally say that my sexual preference is "no, thank you."
When someone doesn't pick up on it, I get extremely uncomfortable.
When a casual acquaintance includes a winky-face emoji and a reference to massage in an FB message about whether or not I will be attending an event, it makes me cranky.
Yes, I will be attending this event.
Before, I figured that the days leading up to the event would be filled with thoughts of "what appetizers shall I bring?"
Now, they get to be filled with the discomfort of knowing that I will have to be face-to-face with someone, and that I will have to bluntly state that I do not welcome that sort of interaction. I don't like making someone feel awkward, but I also am not interested in being flirted with, jokingly or not. I do not like being made uncomfortable. I don't like making others uncomfortable.
But if it's going to happen one way or the other, I'm going to make damn sure it's not me.