Monday, September 9, 2013

Better out than in

He had no idea I was angry.

He had no idea I was angry.

HE HAD NO IDEA I WAS ANGRY.

More importantly, it never occurred to him that anything about the situation was amiss.

NEVER.

OCCURRED.

TO.

HIM.

That sentence genuinely made me angrier.

It never occurred to you that you have been living here for 10 months without paying rent?

You need to think long and hard about WHY it never occurred to you that something was amiss.

You need to think long and hard about WHY it never occurred to you that it might not be okay for a 33-year-old adult man to sponge off a woman earning $15.50 an hour.

You need to think long and hard about WHY it never occurred to you that this woman might find this situation unacceptable.

You need to think long and hard about WHY, with the going rate of rent in this neighborhood, this woman might be angry about it NEVER OCCURRING TO YOU TO PAY RENT.

You have basically been given the equivalent of $14,000, and it NEVER OCCURRED TO YOU.

NEVER OCCURRED TO YOU.

NEVER.

OCCURRED.

TO.

YOU.

I did not say my piece on paper.  I did it in person, and I didn't cry.  This is one of maybe five times in my life that I expressed anger without crying, and I'm pretty goddamn proud of myself.

I wore all black and white, and a terribly severe pair of eyebrows.

After I said my piece, I walked the dog for about two hours.  The dog is exhausted, and has no idea why we were out so long.  I had to clear the adrenaline from my system.

There were no lights on in the house when I returned.  I ate some ice cream and started the dishwasher. I pet the cat and folded some laundry.  I climbed into bed to noodle around on the internet.  I heard him emerge from his bedroom, exit the house, start his car, and drive off.

Hope your tank is full, because you have a lot of thinking to do.

15 comments:

  1. You let him get away with it for 10 months??? :O

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    1. I know, right? I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I doubt I'll be making this mistake again.

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  2. Good for you! Expressing anger without crying is a real achievement in my book. Must have been the eyebrows.

    One of the things that bugs me most about people is how oblivious they can be. They wander around completely unaware that their actions affect other people. Things that should be glaringly obvious never even occur to them. I really do not understand it.

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    1. I absolutely believe in the concept of war paint. With a sharp enough eyebrow, I could conquer the world.

      My great fear is that I am oblivious, because nothing makes me angrier than oblivious people.

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  3. I agree with Bane, expressing anger without crying is a big thing in my book. HUZZAH for you!

    Tante, you are a good hearted person. You care. You seem to give folks the benefit of the doubt. Mr. Viking dude is WAY OUT OF LINE and needs to be served with an official, notarized letter from his landlord stating what he owes, what needs to be fixed, etc. That's a lot of money not to make it official. It'll help you in the long run if and when you need to sue his ass for the money.

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    1. It's less about the money- it's more about the principle of the thing. But yeah, there will be paperwork.

      My mother observed that I tend to get into these situations because I don't seem to realize that not everyone has the same moral compass as I do. Perhaps this is true- I think the worst of humanity, but I tend to assume individuals are on the up-and-up. But come on- even when I was sponging off my parents, I felt guilty about it. I feel guilty when someone buys me lunch. I cannot imagine a world where that wouldn't make someone feel guilty.

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    2. The fact that you feel guilty about things means that your parents raised you correctly. Guilt and moral compasses must be taught because they are not innate. They must be cultured and moulded. He obviously never experienced the parental guilt trip or those horrid conversations about "what you did wrong" as a child. You know the ones -- you sit there and squirm for what seems like forever as said parental unit explains over and over how disappointed they are in you and how what you did was horrible and that you will never do this thing again because if you do the results will be a whole lot worse. Oh and for good measure you're getting punished for two weeks. UGH!

      Yes, it's less about the money ... at the moment. But that rent will definitely help you and your bank account in the end. Don't be nice this time ... it's business at this point.

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  4. Woah, that's impressive! Even at my age, I still can't pull it off without crying.

    There isn't anything wrong with you, Tante - you're just too damn nice. I'm sure it always comes as a shock (as it does to me) when you discover that not everyone else is.

    I'm still learning that life lesson. I may never really learn it. That and realizing not everyone speaks the truth - that also never occurs to me. Duh. ;o)

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    1. I had to wait 72 hours before unleashing my anger to be able to do it without crying. I have found that I have to let it sit for a while before I can detatch it from that particular behavior.

      Humans baffle me. They really really do.

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  5. On behalf of Vikings everywhere, I apologize for this poor excuse for a man. He has obviously glided through life, leaching off well meaning people for quite a while. But no way - NO WAY - has it "never occurred to him"! He is loving it, and with totally enabling friends like his he never needs to take responsibility for anything.

    Though, I can't believe you let him get away with it for this long. When it hits the one month mark, you need to make people start to pay up - I don't care who they are or how dire their situation is. I agree with Professor Z, you should totally sue his ass for outstanding rent.

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    1. I can't wait until I'm at a party with mutual friends and they ask me what happened. Because I have no problem telling the truth.

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  6. I am very proud of you. You're definitely on the right path to getting things corrected.

    I hope you've considered changing the locks.

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    1. Oh, he still lives here, under a VERY different set of circumstances. How long he stays remains to be seen.

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  7. You are very generous to have it go on for so long, but even saints have limits. I'm cheering for you as I type this, that you put your foot down.
    You should ask for compensation, if but to wake his ass up-- this is the reality, you borrow something, you pay it back when you say you will.

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    1. I have seen neither hide nor hair of him since Monday night. He seems to be hiding.

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