Wednesday, October 17, 2012


I think I might wandering towards depression again.  I really don't want to go there- it sucks and it's lonely and nothing tastes good.  Last time I was there, it took meds to get me out, and they were damn near impossible to stop.

Maybe it's because I have felt sick lately, or because I don't think I've had a decent night's sleep in months (thanks, Dog), or because I am really very alone most of the time.  I can barely give enough of a shit to do my laundry.

I tried to decorate for Halloween the other day, and then remembered that nobody would see it but me.  Due to the Cat's little urine habit >ahem<, I don't invite people over.

My brother has a Halloween party every year.  I'm going to that next Friday.  Maybe I should see if I can find something festive to do on Saturday, force myself out amongst other people.

This weekend I'm going to drive to San Diego to pick up two new baby rats for work.  I'm going to stop and see a former coworker who has many exotic creatures.

I have vests to make for Coworker's wedding.  A project is nice, keeps the mind off of loneliness.  Of course, it also keeps one holed up at home, listening to the shick-shick-shick of a needle.

Perhaps this is akin to what my best friend (who is a domme) calls "sub-drop."  Apparently, submissives build up so many endorphins that their systems just can't handle it anymore, and they get all sad and weepy and depressed.  Maybe the Quail and Fall Faire and the roommate moving out and the rat and the cat and the dog was all just too much at once, and now my system is trying to force me into hibernation.

I cannot go into hibernation.


  1. I know exactly what you're going through - or at least I have a pretty good idea. I do find that once I'm out and about and doing things that I feel better. Actually getting out of the house though...whole other ballgame.

  2. Never been very good at giving good advice or offering comfort, but in the immortal words of Red Green (a Canadian icon),“Keep your stick on the ice. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.”