Sunday, December 18, 2011

I just don't want to eat anymore

In the last week, I have eaten enough food to sustain three average Americans.

Work has been a parade of sugar.  I have been too tired to cook, so I have been fast-fooding it.  Last night was my mother's birthday, and we went out to dinner.  I had a slab of prime rib that was far too big for one person.  Finished it, and a cupcake afterwards.  Today, I was experimenting with pie-in-a-jar recipes, because I'm teaching a food-themed camp next week and I wanted to figure out if it was easy enough for kids to do.  It is, and it's delicious.

I feel gross, however.  I really don't like the idea of eating more food this week.

Tomorrow the roommate is having people over, and I promised I'd make my Eye of Newt.  I'm not making food with the kids tomorrow, we're going to discuss food safety and then go play games.

Tuesday is apple-butter day at camp, so I can avoid eating things there.  I'm not eating apple butter straight.  I will probably eat a lot of peelings, though.  I like peelings.  Later, I'm going to dinner at a coworker's house.  There will be an embarrassment of food.

Wednesday is Pie-in-a-jar day at camp.  I have no food related events to attend on Wednesday.

Thursday is Ladies Night at a seafood place.  Not only will I eat, I will probably drink, too.  And it's s'mores day at camp.

Friday is a non-food-event day.

Saturday is dinner at Mom's house, with more prime rib.  It's great, but uuuuuugh.

Sunday is all-day food at my brother's house.  It's great, but uuuuuuugh.

Thank gods that I do not have leftover problems.  All the holiday food is staying far away from my house.

I really don't like how I feel right now.  I kind of want to do a juice cleanse, for no other reason than it doesn't involve heavy digesting.  I have a coupon for one from the local raw-organic-nosugar-nogluten-hippiedippy juice place.  Three days of green shit in a bottle?  Sounds pretty frickin good.

The pie-in-a-jar is really quite special, though.  Here's the test run.  It's not technically pie, it's a crumble, crust is a pain in the ass.  Pie is easier to say than it is to make.  Crumble is easier to make than it is to say.
How to do this:

Peel and dice an apple.  Mix it with a squeeze of lemon juice and a tablespoon of sugar.  Throw in some cinnamon, if you're feeling that way.  In a different bowl, combine a cup of rolled oats, a cup of brown sugar, 3/4 of a cup of flour, a half teaspoon of salt, and a half teaspoon of cinnamon.  Cut up a stick of cold butter into tiny bits, and then mix it into the dry goods with your fingers until it looks like damp sand.  Stick the apple into a wide mouth half pint jar, and cover it with the damp sand stuff.  Put the lid on the jar, and stick it in the freezer.  The damp sand recipe makes a ton of topping, so make many pie jars.  I used about a quarter cup of topping per jar.  

To cook your pie-in-a-jar:

Take the lid off the frozen pie jar.  Put the jar on a baking sheet to catch possible drips.  Put it in a cold oven.  Turn the oven to 375.  Once it hits 375, let it cook for 40 minutes.  Eat it right out of the jar, with whipped cream or ice cream or whatever spins your wheels.

If you don't like apples, you can use any sort of pie fruit.  It's a cup of fruit to a teaspoon of sugar and a teaspoon of flour per jar.  Apples need more sugar and no flour because they're kind of dry.  Super juicy fruit might need a teaspoon and a half of flour, and you can adjust the sugar to taste.  Make a bunch of pies.  Use frozen fruit if you want.  Make a whole slew of tiny pies.  I have a freezer full of emergency desserts ready to rock.  Unexpected visitors?  PIE.  Shitty day at work?  PIE.  Need a last-minute thing to take to a party?  MANY PIES.

Go forth.  Play in the kitchen.  It's criminally easy.  I'm making five-year-olds do it later this week.


  1. lol! I can SO relate to this. I do a good job of limiting my consumption over the holidays, but at the price of getting constant pressure from people that insist "You HAVE to eat more!!!" (mostly just at work - my friends and family respect my choices). I'm totally sick of having food stuck forcefully under my nose by January. :)

    However, your jar pies look AMAZING and I absolutely will be giving this a try once all of the holiday food has disappeared!

  2. @VictorianKitty- the jar pies are nice, because there's a built-in 40+ minute wait period before you can eat it. You have to truly WANT the pie.