Monday, September 12, 2011

When it rains...

A large percentage of my waking life revolves around animal waste.  Glamorous, I know.  At work, I am half-in-charge of our animal collection, which currently comprises 4 snakes of various species, 4 toads, a fence lizard, a bearded dragon, a salamander, and a tarantula.  All of them poop.  The ants love this, and will swarm their tanks almost instantly after one of them relieves itself.  Lately, the ants have also taken to eating snake sheds.  My morning consisted of changing out ant-infested litter while the shedding snake thrashed about trying to get the ants off her head.  I think I preferred it when they just ate poop.

This, however, is my main Waste Generator.  This is Gypsy.
Don't let his bedroom eyes fool you.  

Gypsy is old.  He's 12 or 13, I can't remember anymore.  Neither can he.  He's diabetic.  He has arthritic hips.  He hates my dog (the feeling is mutual).  Gypsy's bathroom habits are dismal at best.

He has an enormous litterbox, with nice low sides so he can get in and out easily.  It's in a place far from the dog, and he doesn't have to share it with anyone.

He hits the box about 10% of the time.  His main issue is that he barely gets in, turns around, and then pisses OUTSIDE the box.  He won't take the extra two steps into the box so that he actually hits what he's aiming for.  

My solution?  Puppy pads around the outside of the box.  Clever, no?

No.  He barely gets on the puppy pad, turns around, and pisses OUTSIDE the pad.  You prick, are you doing this on purpose?

His other favorite trick is to get into corners and pee there.  He's not allowed in my bedroom, my roommate's bedroom, either bathroom, or the office, because he pees in there every damn time he's there.

Every.  Damn.  Time.

He almost ruined the carpet in the den, until I found the miracle cure for cat pee on carpet- it's called 1-2-3 Odor Free.  They don't give me any compensation for promoting them.  I'm not a shill.  That shit is just magical.  However, I'm all out, and I don't get paid for a while.

I cleaned many boxes out of the corner of my living room, and now I'm terrified that he'll pee there when I'm not looking.  He already took a giant dump on the garage floor, about a foot away from his box.

Come on, man.  Are you sick?

I wonder what sort of weird karmic debt I'm paying off.


  1. I'm sorry to read about your poor guy. Try to be patient with him, as it can be really hard on animals (especially diabetic ones) as they get older and can't control themselves. We have a very old girl who has to stay confined to one room or she'll pee on the nearest rug because she can't make it very far. Also, it could be partly behavioral if he has issues with the dog. Hang in there, and give him some love from my big guys!

  2. He's been really good all week. Hit the box 90% of the time, no unauthorized corner pees... and super chatty. I'm happy, but now I'm paranoid. WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING, CAT?

    He's my boy. I love him.